


King Of Broken Hearts and Jack Of Dead Diamonds.

by Chocovevo



Series: Life Is A Poker Game [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Babies, Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Language, No Spoilers, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, The Author Regrets Everything, author is sorry, but it's pure angst sooo, saiouma, these tags are scary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-05-28 06:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocovevo/pseuds/Chocovevo
Summary: It's been five months since the case of The Phantom Thief was closed. Yet, Shuichi wasn't ready to let go.Or, Choco writes angst in its purest form.





	1. Denial.

“KOKICHI!” Shuichi cried out as he tried running over to Kokichi’s side, only stopped by officers and his own Uncle holding him back. But Shuichi’s rage was too strong as he threw off the officers and ran towards Kokichi’s body. 

But he was interrupted by something. Something hard. And it hit his face. 

When he looked up from the sudden impact, he saw sharp emerald green eyes looking at him. There was a certain hunger to them, as if he wanted to hurt Shuichi more but couldn’t due to the number of witnesses. But his eyes said something. 

‘I’ll come back to you,’

But Shuichi didn’t care. He only cared about the fact that Kokichi was on the ground, bleeding to death if nothing fucking happened. His adrenaline made him feel nothing from the punch. He brushed off Rantaro and ran towards the slowly dying Kokichi, his eyes filling with tears as he did so. 

Kokichi gestured for people to come over to his body. Everyone steps up, the ones who cared about Kokichi were crying. Shuichi was not spared. Clear tears fell down Shuichi’s pale cheeks. He looked around him and saw that so many people were crying too. Even cool and collected Rantaro had crystal tears in his eyes. 

As everyone was rushing for an ambulance, Kokichi began to speak. 

“I love you,” He says, his mouth twitching up to a smile.   
“I love you so much,”  
“I love Gonta’s big arms,” Gonta allows a teardrop to fall on Kokichi.   
“I love Miu’s voice,” Miu sobs into Gonta’s arms.   
“I love Kaito’s voice,” Kaito can’t stop his hiccups.   
“I love Rantaro’s touch,” Rantaro’s breath shook as he covered his mouth to hide any possible screams. 

“And,” his head faces Rantaro, as if he has to tell him a happy secret, “I love Shuichi,”

At that point, Rantaro kneeled over and allowed every sob he had been holding back before flood out as cries and quiet screams. Shuichi felt waves of tears fall out of his eyes. He bit his lips to stop any sobs be heard. He had to be strong. For Kokichi. 

“Don’t cry,” he smiles. It seemed a little bitter to be smiling at this time. 

Shuichi grabbed Kokichi’s hand, holding the small one in his own. He held it up to his cheek as more tears poured out, feeling his warm hand against his wet cheek. 

“Shuichi,” Kokichi says, “Kiss me,”

Shuichi stopped caressing Kokichi’s hand, “What?” He says, a tremble in his voice. 

“Kiss me one last time,” Shuichi hesitated. “Before I have to leave,”

He took in a breath, his voice shaking. He had to do it. It was Kokichi’s wish. 

Shuichi kissed him. 

It felt so wrong but was so right. As if he were draining the life out of Kokichi. 

That’s when Kokichi’s lips no longer felt warm. When his heavy breathing suddenly slowed. And when his milky eyes closed. 

Shuichi pulled back, “K-Kokichi?!” He said, the sirens of an ambulance behind him. 

“KOKICHI NO!” He screamed as paramedics took him on a stretcher, his face peaceful as he was taken away from Shuichi. 

He wanted to go into the ambulance with him but officers stopped him by the command of his Uncle, his Uncle insisting that he could see him when they got an update on his health. Until then, they had to keep on a check on Kaede and her twins, along with arresting everyone in Kokichi’s team. 

Everything went by so fast. The arresting, the questioning, interrogation, everything. Shuichi couldn’t focus on anything until the update on Kokichi’s health was said.   
____________________  
“He’s in a coma,” A nameless doctor said as he put down Kokichi’s current medical examination down in front of Shuichi and his Uncle.   
“Do we keep him alive or pull the plug?” 

Shuichi instantly threw his fist down on the table, not caring about the burning sensation he felt when he did. “We keep him alive obviously!” He yelled.

His Uncle sighed, “I agree with my nephew. Although for different reasons. We must have him live because we need to ask him why and how. Although, it wouldn’t be damaging if we pulled the plug. We can ask Amami-”

Shuichi grabbed his Uncle by the collar, anger festering inside of him. “We NEED to have him live,” 

Shuichi’s Uncle’s eyes were wide before they dropped to their usual, stern self, “Shuichi. Calm down,”

Shuichi finally realized what he had done and dropped him, anger still bubbling up inside him but was now accompanied with shame. The doctor cleared his throat before excusing himself to leave, saying he other things he had to attend to. Shuichi knew it was because he wanted to get out before the storm. 

Shuichi’s Uncle faced him, clearly concerned and disappointed, “Shuichi…,”

Shuichi only meekly looked down, averting his eyes from his Uncle’s gaze. “Yes?”

“I’m worried for you. I may not understand what’s happening but I’m sure as hell that nothing good is going on. And what’s with you and The Phantom Thief? I have so many questions honestly,”

Shuichi sighed, “Look… Ko- The Phantom Thief…,” Shuichi took in a deep breath, “When I was undercover, he was undercover too. He posed as Kokichi Ouma, which I am assuming is his real name. We… we fell in love,” 

His Uncle’s gaze softened, “Oh… Shuichi..,”

Shuichi shook his head, “Look, it doesn’t matter now, Uncle. What happened before just happened,” Shuichi said, walking towards the door. 

“Shuichi… you can talk to me, ya know. I’m your family,”

The last sentence rang in Shuichi’s head continuously. ‘I’m your family’ it said. 

…some things family couldn’t understand. How could his Uncle understand the nights of longing for another body next to him for years until he finally got it for a sweet moment? Only for it to be taken away because of a mistake fueled by anger. 

Shuichi looked at his Uncle for what seemed like the final time. They had the same eyes. Slowly, Shuichi closed the door.   
_________________________________

The next five months were a blur. 

For one, Kaede’s twins were born. Two healthy boys that she did name Hinata and Makoto. They were the joy of Kaede’s, Maki’s and Shuichi’s life. As much as he wouldn’t like to admit, Kaede’s kids were the only thing keeping him from overworking himself to death. Whenever he visited them, which wasn’t that often honestly, he loved to see their smiles as he played various games with them. Peekaboo… airplane… he played it all. Whenever they laughed, Shuichi swore he felt all stresses of his daily life fall off easily. 

But when the twins weren’t with him, he was stressed out of his mind. 

He buried himself in his work. Solving case after case with such momentum that it was almost inhuman. He barely talked to Kaede besides on days she asked for him to watch over the twins but even then, their encounters were brief. And, even though he spoke to his Uncle on a daily basis, it was to solve a case and ask to go into fieldwork. Which his Uncle reluctantly agreed to. Truly, Shuichi Saihara was not human anymore. 

The only times where he spoke or showed any emotion was when he was with the twins or when he visited Kokichi. 

Whenever he visited Kokichi, which was every day after work, he always talked as if he were awake. He spoke about his day, the twins, how everyone was doing, how much he missed him… 

He always knew that Kokichi was listening. He had no proof of the matter but he always knew from one goldy thing: the heart monitor. 

 

Whenever he talked about Kaede’s kids, he saw it raise in excitement. Whenever he talked about his Uncle, he saw it lower, possibly from boredom. And, when he talked about his feeling for the other boy, he saw it rise higher than any other heart monitors he had ever seen. After he got in trouble with the doctors, he stopped talking about his feelings whenever they were around. 

But one day, things changed. At first, he didn’t want to believe but now that he thinks about it, he’s always known. 

He’s always known that his Kokichi was dead.   
_______________________________________  
“We pulled the plug,”

He was dropping off some more completed files for his Uncle when he heard the news.   
Shuichi looked up at him, eyes blank before shifting into surprise, then anger. 

“What?” He asked. 

His Uncle looked up from his file, eyes remorseful as if he were sorry. “We couldn’t keep him alive. It was too expensive and gave us no benefit. All we did was slow down his death. Kokichi Ouma. He died at 7:56 AM,”

Shuichi couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. Kokichi Ouma? Dead? He couldn’t die. He was Shuichi’s everything. He was-

Yeah. He wasn’t dead. This was just a cruel joke, wasn’t it? 

“You’re funny, Uncle,” Shuichi said, his voice monotone. “Now where’s the next case?” 

His Uncle looked at him, his face stern yet caring. “Shuichi… I’ve seen many people do this. They deny that their loved one is dead to protect their feelings. I’ve seen it millions of times in millions of different ways, you’ve got to accept it, Shuichi,”

Shuichi stared at him, unblinking. “No. He isn’t dead. Everything you’re saying is a lie. Like how you said that my parents were alive and that they missed me,”

His Uncle seemed taken aback at that, “I…,” 

Shuichi continued, “You’re all lying. Kokichi wasn’t bad, to begin with. He was just doing what he had to do to survive in this world we had formed. It's our fault. He did nothing. He did nothing!” Shuichi didn’t realize tears were rolling down his face till on landed on his hand. His Uncle looked like a mix of infuriated and heavily concerned. 

“Shuichi…,”

 

“NO! I’m done here! I’m clocking out!” With that, he left and slammed the door.   
__________________  
The sky was crying. It was crying like Shuichi. But Shuichi didn’t want to cry. He had no idea why he was crying. Because everything was fine. Everything was peach and cherries because everything was fine. 

...right? 

His feet made his way to the hospital where Kokichi was stationed at. He wanted to visit his love. Visiting him always made him feel better. 

He entered the hospital soaking wet and asked the front desk if he could visit Kokichi. The man there typed something on the computer before looking at him, looking sorry. 

Shuichi wanted to punch his face for a brief moment because it was the same look his Uncle had given him. 

“I’m sorry sir but he was taken away this morning,”

Taken away…? 

No. 

He wasn’t. 

He was alive. 

“Please,” he said, his golden eyes tearing up, “I need to see him,”

“You’re in denial, sir,”

Denial. 

What did that mean? 

For a moment, he searched his brain for the meaning of the word. He couldn’t find it. 

“Thank you,” he whispered before leaving. 

Just to freshen his memory, he looked up what ‘denial’ was on his phone. 

‘de·ni·al  
dəˈnīəl/Submit  
noun  
the action of declaring something to be untrue.  
"she shook her head in denial" ‘

Shuichi Saihara was in denial.


	2. Anger.

“Look, I told you, I know noth-”

“LIKE HELL YOU DON’T,”

Shuichi slammed his palms on the plastic folding table, his eyes prickling with tears, yet he did not mind it. It was better than the pain he was feeling inside anyways. He was in a constant state of agony ever since Kokichi left. He refused to say die because Kokichi wasn’t dead. If anything, it was Shuichi who was dead. His eyes were sunken in with heavy, dark bags under them. His posture had turned slouched and his hair oily and tousled. Truly, he was the definition of the walking dead. 

Next, to him, Maki sighed, twiddling one of her pigtails as her garnet red eyes bore into Shuichi. She’s seemed to have a lot more patience ever since her babies were born, yet that did not spare Shuichi from her icy glare. Shuichi only brushed it off though. He wasn’t a meek person anymore. He was someone with nothing to lose, nor with anything to give. A walking shell of someone he used to be. 

The time around them seemed to still the more the three of them spent in the musky, dark room. As if the room were a portal to a place where time stopped and all that was left was a clock, a folding table, chair and a large window at the side of the room.   
His ex-partner and betrayer, Rantaro Amami, was sitting in front of him, eyes locked on Shuichi and hands on the table in front of him. Shuichi circled him as if he were a hawk and Rantaro was his prey. In one moment, Shuichi’s eyes turned into solid gold in order to pierce through Rantaro’s whole body, as if he wanted to shred him up. Rantaro wasn’t any better. His eyes turned into hard malachite. Willing to gash and tear through Shuichi’s flesh and blood. The ticking of the clock and Maki’s sigh of impatience interrupted their duel. Shuichi snapped up to her, moves jerky due to lack of sleep. 

“What is it?” He asked, voice dripping with exhaustion and subtle anger. His hands moved up to his greasy hair, running his fingers through the knots and tangles of his teal tinted hair. 

“You’ve been acting strange,” Maki commented, her hands intertwining themselves in her hair. Her garnet eyes were blank with the subtlest hint of heavy concern and minor annoyance. “You’re not fit enough to work. I demand you go see Kaede to get your head together,” Kaede was pretty much the agency's therapist. She was an amazing listener and her advice was sensible and a combination of logic and emotion. But Shuichi didn’t need her right now. He needed Kokichi. 

“No,” he growled, his fist slamming down on the table, “I’m going to stay here and interrogate Rantaro. You just do your job as a security officer. Maki seemed to be taken aback at that, her eyes widen with surprise before heating up to a burning rage. “Look,” her eyes told that she was attempting to stay her aloof self, “I’m worried about you, idiot. Everyone is. So stop acting like a 13-year old looking for attention and see that we’re trying to help you. You need to forget The Phantom Thief,”

Shuichi glared at her, wishing that his eyes were daggers just so that he could stab Maki in various, bloody ways. “His name is Kokichi Ouma,” he yelled, slowly losing whatever cool he had left. “You will never understand, Maki! What would happen if you lost Kaede AND the twins?! And what if you lost them because of you hurt them?! WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN??” crystal tears were falling down Shuichi’s flushed face as he kept on talking. His mind was a storm and he was the only survivor in it, slowly drowning from toxicity and an imbalance.

Maki’s hand instantly reached for his throat. She lightly squeezed down on him, not enough to affect him but just enough to know that Maki was extremely close to choking the life out of him. “Don’t you dare talk about Kaede like that. Do you want to die?” Maki asked the lighting in the room making her dark red eyes brighter by darkening her face.

Shuichi glowered down at her, “Yes. There’s no point in living anyways,” Maki’s grip got tighter before she released Shuichi who, for a moment, truly experienced all of Maki’s rage. It made him choke and gasp for air. “You IDIOT,” she yelled, slamming her foot on the concrete floor, cracking it slightly, “For YEARS, we’ve been convincing you that life was worth living. That it wasn’t worth to die. AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO LET ONE PERSON RUIN ALL OF THAT PROGRESS FOR YOU?!” She shouted, making both Shuichi and Ranatro flinch.   
“THINK ABOUT US. THINK ABOUT THE TWINS. HOW IS KAEDE SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THAT HER BEST FRIEND DIED BECAUSE. OF. LOVE?” as she said the last part of the sentence, she punched the table for each word, reddening her knuckles. Although, Maki seemed too enraged to really complain. 

Shuichi didn’t say anything. Each word of hers made the waves in his storm stir higher and higher until they completely enveloped him with its poisonous thoughts. The waves made his legs weak as he crumpled to the ground, defeated with tears rolling down his cheeks. Panic and anxiety rose up in him, telling him that he was worthless and that he was a coward. So what would a coward do? 

He ran. He ran away from his problems. And currently, his problems were in the interrogation room. 

He hadn’t known where to go. He was just running aimlessly through the halls of the agency, the fluorescent lights stinging his eyes as other detectives looked at him with concern. He didn’t look up from the olive green carpet of the building until he ran into someone. 

“Shuichi?” asked a concerned voice. It was Kaede’s voice. He looked up at her. She was possibly the closest definition to an angel that Shuichi has ever seen. For one, today, she was wearing a white maternity dress with a golden sash. As he looked up at her face, she seemed almost heavenly. Her golden locks had framed her face perfectly while the office lights replaced the heavenly glow that angels often had. 

But right now, Shuichi could only feel hate for her. Hate that she was so perfect. Hate that a person could be so understanding. And hate that she didn’t quite fully understand what he was going through. 

He picked himself up and brushed himself off, his heart still racing from panic. “I can’t talk right now Kaede..,” he whispered. All he wanted to do was curl up in his cream-colored sheets and cry. Kaede looked at him, her orchid eyes glancing over him in concern. “Are you okay? Are you having a panic attack? Do you need my help?” Her questions felt like small sharp needles stinging him over and over again till he popped like a balloon. He felt small bits of anger blow up inside him as she kept asking things. She wouldn’t stop bugging him. 

“Look,” he said sharply, his golden eyes not meeting Kaede’s orchids, “I don’t need your help Kaede. In fact, no one does. So please, keep your mouth quiet and your words to yourself,” The words felt like tar. It was toxic, disgusting and made out of pure malice. He could feel the tremble in her voice before she even said anything, Kaede was always fragile.   
“Shu-”

“Stop.” 

With that, Shuichi ran out of the office, the blinding blue sky and the shine of downtown’s buildings greeting him. He glared at them all as he felt a biting pain in his head. He felt like all of it was mocking him. Like the hum of the business of downtown was purposely perfect so he could stand out from it.  
Shuichi quickly located his shining, white, sedan and quickly hopped in it, ignoring the burning sensation from the leather seats. 

He felt too much to think about his physical feelings. Currently, he was too angry.   
Angry… 

What did it mean again? 

Ah yes. 

an·ger  
ˈaNGɡər/Submit  
noun  
1.  
a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.  
"the colonel's anger at his daughter's disobedience"

Shuichi Saihara had anger inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof someone (someone amazing I might add) suggested that I should use more descriptions for my storytelling because it was too rushed. And I was like "If it helps me become not so rushed, then I'll do it" so now there are more descriptions! Yaaaaaaaay! Thank you so much Infinity! Thank you for being an amazing author and friend! Go check them out on Amino, I'll link 'em <3  
> https://aminoapps.com/c/danganronpa/page/user/hui-itai-hakurei-reimu/QK81_vQjFJfJ3QJzX0Y18v83vDlZnq1Nlz


	3. Bargaining.

Shuichi did not sleep that night. It could have been from the heavy guilt he felt from yelling at Kaede. Or it could’ve been the guilt from /that/ night. But whatever it was, it kept Shuichi from sleeping. That morning, he was a mess. His usual sharp eyes and attentiveness were now replaced with eye bags and drooping eyelids that covered the usual golden brown shine that his eye naturally had. His eyes were constantly red and puffy, possibly from tears that no one had ever seen spring up. The lock of hair that usually sprung up from his head was now matted down with dirt and grease and mixed with the rest of his head. Truly, Shuichi Saihara had turned into an emotional mess overnight. 

He ignored everyone’s looks of concern as he slipped in the side door of the office like building, wanting to avoid Kaede as much as possible. He could hear a piano playing from her office. But it wasn’t the usual quiet melodies that she preferred to play. No… it was sadder. More regretful. As if her piano playing was telling a story of a girl who’s regrets weighed heavily on her glass shoulders like stones. Only for her to break down and rebuild again. 

…it was Debussy’s Clair De Lune. And Shuichi grew a bitter hatred for it. It was too beautiful in this dark world that it was in. And it made Shuichi feel something in his sea of sadness, regrets, and anxiety. Almost… remorseful? Pitiful? Rueful? Sorry? It made him feel sorry for Kaede even though he wanted to feel sorry for himself.   
It made him hate himself even more. 

He locked the door tight when he entered his office. He felt his eyes scan the room, a habit he had picked up since when he was little. There were stacks of papers everywhere, most of them completed and were just sitting in Shuichi’s office because his Uncle took three days to complete the fieldwork that each case required. The stacks on his desks were the ones he assigned to himself, working on them from morning to night, not stopping, wanting to stop the scene in his head replaying over and over. There were a few days where he had collapsed from overworking himself, but he was at a stage of grief where he could care less about his own and other’s well being. His eyes flickered to the light switch. But he walked past it to his metal desk, which reeked of coffee and a smell that could only be described with Shuichi. His eyes did not deserve such luxury that was light. They deserved to suffer in the dark, always strained and tired. 

After two hours of non-stop writing, researching and brain strain, he heard a knock at the door. He stood up from his wobbly desk chair, his hand burning from the seemingly endless writing he had to do. He turned on the light, which made him flinch in response and opened the door. It was his Uncle, his usually stern face replaced with a softer version. 

“Shuichi,” he said. This was the kindest that he’s ever seen his Uncle… and it was out of pity. Shame. “We need you to interrogate Rantaro again,” He said, shifting to one side. He seemed reluctant to ask Shuichi this. 

Shuichi sighed before nodding, feeling much too exhausted to really argue about anything with his Uncle. Each step towards the interrogation room felt like rocks were weighing him down. Shuichi felt on the verge of collapsing. His eyes couldn’t stay open and he felt that… something was missing. Something inside. It was as if he was physically there but his mind wasn’t. Like a doll missing her porcelain heart. He looked through the large glass window of the room, only to see that Rantaro didn’t look any different. But the difference between the two? One was dealing with it and people cared. The other had no one to care about ever since he died. 

Yes. He. He didn’t have a name. Because, if Shuichi said it, the pain in his heart would be unimaginable. He. He was nameless and faceless. Only a distant memory in Shuichi’s past. He was nothing. 

At least that’s what he told himself.

He walked into the room, feeling Rantaro’s emerald eyes on him. He slammed his palms on the table, leaving a bright red mark on them. Shuichi felt tears well up in his golden brown eyes but he didn’t care. His eyes met Rantaro’s, gold fighting against emerald in a battle to see who would fine. There was a fire in Rantaro’s eyes, a green fire that lured you in before burning you alive. Shuichi wasn’t any better. His eyes were a golden cold that you noticed for its beauty for you were met with the cruel reality of frostbite. 

In the middle of their fight against ice and fire, Shuichi realized something. And the realization made him suddenly stop their fight. Rantaro seemed to notice this and his eyes soften instantly, stopping their battle between eyes. 

Shuichi Saihara was tired of fighting. 

He was tired. Of what? Of everything. He was drained to the core every since HE passed. No… he didn't pass. Shuichi killed him. Shuichi killed seemingly the only one he truly cared about. And for what? His job? He could’ve joined Kokichi with his crimes. They might’ve gotten arrested but it would be together. Together… together forever. That’s what they should’ve been. 

But it wasn’t. 

He collapsed in front of Rantaro, tears that haven’t been shed before now released suddenly. They came like a storm, sudden, cold, and hard. Rantaro must’ve felt pity for him because he soon felt his warm arms around Shuichi’s cold body. Shuichi sobbed into Rantaro’s shirt. Mumbling random things. 

“I’m sorry,” Shuichi croaked out. 

“It’s okay,” Rantaro said, sounding as if he himself was close to tears. 

“I would do anything to bring him back,”

“Me too,”

What was this called?   
bar·gain  
ˈbärɡən/Submit  
verb  
gerund or present participle: bargaining  
negotiate the terms and conditions of a transaction.

Shuichi wanted to bargain his life for Kokichi’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOrry his chapter is so late! I was on vacation :,)
> 
> Anyways, oh shit. Feelings. Wow. Yeah i got nothing im just super tired man.

**Author's Note:**

> WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM BACK BABY!  
> Ya boi is back with more time, new motivation and a new fic! So, the poll said the sequel won so here I am! I don't know what else I expected honestly. I should've put 'spinoff' instead of 'sequel' so the ending could stay ambiguous...   
> But whatever! All that matters is that it's here fellas!  
> Although, next week's chapter might be late due to the fact that I'll be on vacation. But still! Enjoy this one!


End file.
